Well I did go into panic attack mode...sort of. It started in the car as I drove to the lake. I tried pinpointing what my fear was and I realized something stupid. I was having a panic attack over the mere thought of having a panic attack. It's like a dream within a dream (one of my favorite Edgar Allen Poe poems btw). I didn't want to go through that horrible feeling again this year.
A PEP TALK FROM COACH JASON:
ETA coach Jason was there on the dock when I arrived. I told him about my panic attacks every time I swim in open water and that I couldn't do one open water swim last year without having to flip onto my back. His advice? If I had a panic attack today, just accept it and flip onto my back. Since the course was set up as a big triangle this year (last year it was a straight shot out and back), he told me not to swim the entire course. Just go to the first buoy and back again until I got comfortable. I threw a bit of a protest because I knew I could swim the course, I just didn't understand why this happened to me. "Because we're land creatures and this feels foreign and weird to us". I told him I hated people who learned to swim as kids because they had no understanding of what it felt like. He told me he didn't learn to swim until adulthood and he could relate to my frustration. AKA, quit your bitching and swim.
A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH AND UNDERSTANDING WHAT CAUSES MY PANIC ATTACKS:
I got my wetsuit on and headed towards the water. I knew it was going to be double the suck because the water was very cold (58-59 degrees). I swam towards the sand bank (which is where the swim course begins) and tried putting my face into the water. Holy mama it was REALLY COLD AND REALLY DARK. No, no, no, I am not going there. The fact that I was wearing brand new, heavily tinted goggles didn't help at all. Way to go rocket scientist! The water depth at the sand bank is shallow so I stood up and looked out at the first buoy. "It's even colder out there" a young guy said. I wanted to bail on the entire swim and go home, but I didn't drive that far to give up.
And then I went for it! I put my face into the water and began swimming towards the first buoy. That's when I discovered one of my biggest issues! I couldn't blow any air out of my lungs and this immediately threw me into complete panic attack.
SO WHY IS BLOWING AIR OUT OF YOU LUNGS THAT IMPORTANT?
Here is a summary of what would happen to me: My heart rate would spike significantly before I even entered the water and a high heart rate instantly causes breathing issues, even if you're standing still. Then I would get into the water and my heart rate would spike again from sensory overload of everything happening at once around me. I truly believe these quick and constant heart rate spikes are what causes people to have a heart attack during the swim portion of a triathlon. They probably have an underlying heart condition that they are unaware of and the constant spiking of the heart rate triggers the heart attack.
So there I am in the water with a super high heart rate and I haven't even started swimming yet. I put my face down to swim and I do THE WORST THING POSSIBLE...I hold my breath!!! A super high heart rate AND holding your breath is a really bad combination! But I don't hold my breath on purpose. It happens because my heart rate and sensory issues are in complete overload and that overload causes me to hold my breath. But now I've identified the problem.
HOW I OVERCAME AND SWAM WITHOUT HAVING A PANICK ATTACK...FINALLY!
I decided to head towards the first buoy to see if I could overcome panic mode. I put my face in the water and barely blew any air out. I turned to take air in, but I couldn't breathe because my lungs were still filled. Instead of stopping and flipping on to my back as I would do the past, I immediately put my face back in the water and continued swimming. On my second attempt, I blew a little bit of air out and got a little bit of air in. I immediately put my face back in for round three. Round three I blew a bit more air out and was able to get a bit more air in, but not enough. I went for the fourth round. On the fourth attempt I finally blew a lot of air out and was able to get a decent amount of fresh air back into my lungs. When I was able to blow a lot of air out, I felt my body instantly relax. So there it was...4 attempts to blow air out and get fresh air in. I didn't worry about technique at that moment. In fact I thought "swim shitty, swim slowly". I just wanted to swim slowly and get my heart rate down and my breathing under control. I learned that the first several strokes (probably the first 25 yards) are the hardest but you have to stick with it. If you bail out too soon and flip on to your back after one or two attempts to get air, you start the process all over again.
And that was my biggest problem last year. I would only give myself 2 attempts to get air before I flipped onto my back. This year I decided I would give myself 6 attempts in a row. If I didn't get air by the 6th attempt, then would I allow myself to flip onto my back. But that never happened. It took me 4 attempts to get everything to click into place.
By the time I made it to the first buoy my heart rate was close to being normal and I felt as though I had a good breathing pattern. The longer I swam, the better everything got. I was able to complete 3 laps of the entire course without ever having to flip on to my back. And let me tell you that was a great confidence booster! I was freezing cold by the time I got out of the lake and my fingers and toes were numb, but I was elated at my progress.
Did I still feel a bit freaked out with my face in the dark water? Yes, but only for the first 50 yards or so. Am I saying that I'm 100% over my fear? Absolutely no. But I do feel better having some understanding of what's happening to me physically when I swim in open water. I know I have to focus on 3 key things: blowing air out to get fresh air in, establishing a good breathing pattern and swimming slowly early on to get my heart rate down. Plus I can't bail out if I'm unable to get air on the first or second attempt, I have to give it several attempts in a row. I also found that early on in the swim, I purposely over-rotated, just to give myself an extra second or two of having my face out of the water. Once I was comfortable, I tried not to over-rotate because it only slows you down.
So there you have it. Try focusing on those 3 critical components and don't bail out too soon. If it helps, have a friend swim next to you just so know someone is close by and watching. Hopefully you too will slay the open water swim dragon. Once you understand how mental fear affects you physically, it gets easier. I swear it does.
No comments:
Post a Comment